Is it proper to attend an ex huband's funeral when our adult children are involved?
by kathryn Mele
(Saugus Massachusetts, USA)
Rx-husband passed away 8/25/2011 with ARD and complications of pneumonia and heart by pass surgery. Children attended his last 3 months of life. They live in Iowa and I live in Massachusetts. One part of me wants to fly out and attend the funeral for the support of my children whom are 23, 26, 29 and 31, and then the other part me says no, and just send flowers and a card. My son is not to keen on me and has had many bitter feeling towards since his father and I divorced 10 years ago. Bitter to the point that he sees me as non-existent. My three daughters have accepted the fact and turn away and are in talking terms with me. My second daughter is getting married Sept, 10 2011 and I will be attending her wedding. I need to get a ticket in the next 24 hours to fly for the funeral on Monday. Please advise me in what direction I should take because I really don't want to hurt anyone. My ex and I were married for 20 years, and divorced almost 10 years, and the last 5 years we have had a civil friendship because of the children. My children have seen through their fathers 3 surgeries in the past 2 years, starting with knee realavement surgery on both knees and then a 16 way kidney transplant a year and a half ago and now a triple by pass surgery just 3 months ago in which went into ARD, pneumonia and complications bacteria infections of the surgery, which cased his death tonight. I want to be there for my children but yet in my heart I don't feel it would be respectful for others that are attending. Please let me know as soon as possible. Thank you.
Kathryn Mele Saugus Mass.
Aug 31, 2011
It's your ex husband; that said you were no longer part of his life therefore stay away.
My husband passed away recently, imagine my shock when I found out his ex wife was at the funeral hall without my knowledge.
I think it's rude, wrong and simply lack of morals as well as manners to show up at a funeral of an ex husband.
I don't know perhaps people these days are just so rude. I'll never get over some people and they way they think. RUDE
Aug 26, 2011
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)
First of all, I offer my condolences for his passing. I hope you and your family find comfort and peace at this time.
Even though your son has a strained relationship with you, that is no reason to skip the funeral. In fact, I see it as all the more reason to attend. When you do something for someone at a difficult time in their life, they do not forget those moments.
My father passed away about 7 years ago. I still remember all of the people that came to his funeral to support my family. It was touching and I appreciate them for it.
Even though your son may not come out and say it, it will do good to go. In fact, if you look at it this way, your son would probably have more ill feelings toward you if you do not attend the funeral.
Aside from your children, the bottom line is that this was your ex-husband. You shared part of your life with him. You have a right to be there to pay your respects to him as well.
I hope it all turns out for the best.