Is this appropriate?

by Mydonna
(NY)

My husband's mother is having a surprise 80th birthday celebration. My husband and I have been married for 23 years. He was married three times before me. First wife 9 years, second wife 3 years, third wife 1 year. My husband and I have four children together. He and his first wife had 3 children. She cheated with my husband's best friend and left him 33 years ago. My husband's sister is an unhappy meddler and has invited my husband's ex-wife (the first wife) to the birthday celebration. My husband's sister has an ex and the other sister has an ex and her daughter has an ex, but no other ex is being invited. My husband's ex has never participated in family events before.

Sep 26, 2011
additional information
by: MyDonna

The relationship that the ex had with the subject of the party existed over 30 years ago. Other ex's had a more recent relationship with the subject. My husband's sister, and two of my husband's children from the previous marriage, have plotted and meddled for many years. Two of my husband's children, from this previous marriage, have never accepted their father marrying me and his adopting my two children. My husband and I are not the type to cause a scene, all four of our children no longer wish to attend, any of that side of the family, functions. Had his ex, and their two of three children not been so evil over these 33 years, it would not have been viewed so badly. Our oldest daughter and son were not even invited. They are not and have never been treated as family. This, in my eyes, was the last straw.

Sept 26, 2011
Inviting Ex-Spouses To Party
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

There are a couple of ways to look at this particular question.

One way to look at it is the viewpoint that you are taking. That is, no one else's ex-spouse has been invited so why did they invite one of your husband's ex-wives? It would be easy to take that position and see that it is not right.

The other point of view has to do with relationships. In other words, the attendees of the party are those that have a relationship with the person that is celebrating the birthday. Does that person have/had a relationship with the ex-spouse? If so, then it might be appropriate to have them attend.

Even if there is a prior relationship, it is a little insensitive towards your family to invite the ex-wife.

If you are not the one throwing the party and creating the guest list, there isn't much you can do to change the list of people that are invited.