Do I need to explain myself on why my husband and I are not atteding his daughter's wedding with his ex and her family?

Do I need to explain myself on why my husband and I are not atteding his daughter's wedding with his ex and her family?

My step daughter is getting married and has invited her mother and her family. This is the same daughter that has said her mother is crazy and can't stand her to now she is wonderful. Her father has told both of his daughters and his 2 step daughters (my girls) that we will not be attending any weddings that ex's and their families will be. People don't understand that my husband and I were treated awful by our ex's. They both kept trying to keep kids from us, put protection of abuse on us, everything and anything was done to make our lives horrible. I agree with everything my husband says and stand behind him 100%. Only one daughter out of the 4 completely understands. So tired of all this nonsense and want to put an end to it once and for all.


Nov 06, 2011
Be there for your daughter
by: Anonymous

Wouldn't you regret not attending such a big day for your step-daughter that she will remember forever?

I think you and your husband should attend the wedding but ask the daughter if she can arrange seating as far away from the ex as possible. There is no rule saying that you have to even talk to or acknowledge the ex. In fact, I would try to avoid her. If she does come up to you, just say in the most civil way possible, "I want to keep the wedding day positive, so please don't talk to me" and walk away. Tell the daughter not to expect a happy reunion and make it clear that you do not want to interact with the ex. She can pass this information on to the mother.

It's only one day. I think you can put up with it if you think it is important for you to attend. I am a daughter, and I have no doubt that she would be disappointed if any of her parents were absent. You can't expect her to not invite her own birth mother, despite your past with her.

If you don't think you and your ex can exist at the wedding without causing a scene, then don't attend, but I feel like the father has a DUTY to be there to give away his daughter. At least go to the ceremony.


Sep 22, 2011
Attending Your Step-Daughter's Wedding Or Not
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Well, there are certainly a few different ways to look at the situation.

First, there is your point of view where you are frustrated with the ex's and do not want to be a part of things where they will be attending. That is a normal feeling post divorce when it has been an ugly situation. Those feelings are very normal and understandable.

However, there is the other point of view from your step-daughter. I think you should be more offended if your step-daughter DID NOT invite her father to her wedding. After all, this is his daughter. Wouldn't he want to be involved in her life and share this special day with her? Even if the ex is going to be there?

I am not in your situation and I am sure that the feelings you both have towards ex's are not pleasant. But you have to ask yourself if the ex's are going to keep you from being an active participant in the lives of your children.

I know your question was if you have to explain yourself, and if that is the route you choose to take, then yes you better have a good explanation as to why he is missing his own daughter's wedding.

I would hope you could look past those bitter feelings and realize that his daughter is asking him to be a part of her special day. As her father, not only does he have an obligation to be there, but it is also his privilege.

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