If you want to plan a birthday party for a friend should you ask their spouse first?

If you want to plan a birthday party for a friend should you ask their spouse first?

A friend of my wife decided she wanted to throw a birthday party for my wife. So she went and asked my wife if she had any plans for her birthday and she said not that I know of. After that she just started to make plans never once asking me if I had already made plans. The first I heard of this was in a email that read....

"So barring the complication of (****'s) family throwing her a shindig, we will be celebrating (******'s) birthday this Sunday at Lazy Dog on Sunday @ 7PM. I hope you can join us!

Please respond and let me know if you will be attending. :)

So I ask should my wife's friend asked me first or not?

Thank you,

Jul 18, 2011
Etiquette on wife's birthday
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

It certainly would have been the more polite thing to do to check with you first.

Generally speaking, families have the first option to throw the birthday party and the spouse of the person having the birthday is always first.

So, the friend really should have checked with you first.

Even though this may be frustrating for you, there is another way to look at it. At least they think enough of your wife to throw a party for her. It is always a good thing to have good friends.

You can also use this to win "good husband" points with your wife and her friend. You can always tell them both that you had something planned already, but you are going to move it to another time so that they can have their party.

They will both appreciate your kindness and willingness to accommodate and the friend will realize she should have asked.

You can end up turning this in your favor if you do it right.

Happy birthday to your wife!

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