by KoaBea
(London ON Canada)

My son and his chosen bride have made all the arrangements for their big day. They want to pay for most of the wedding and reception themselves although on a very limited budget. I am proud of them for choosing this method.

Mother of the Bride is putting on a bridal shower. Telephone invitations I presume. Shower has been mentioned to Mother of the Groom, although no actual invitation given. Mother of the Groom has just discovered that an individual has been invited that it has been made very clear since before the engagement that the Mother of the Groom cannot deal with this person.

What does the Mother of the Groom do? There is no doubt by others that this is a set-up by Mother of the Bride.

Also, there is apparently no time available for the Mother of the Groom to arrange a lovely Rehearsal Dinner. Every date suggestion is squashed. Suggestions here would also be appreciated on how the Mother of the Groom should deal with the Mother of the Bride.

Comments for Mother-in-Law

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Feb 14, 2018
How quickly we assume it’s all about “us” NEW
by: Anonymous

I appreciate your responses in that they remind the "offended" that the matter at hand should be viewed & handled in a way that provides a solution (rather that dwell on what can’t be changed) as well as reminding the "offended" to get over themselves & act as graciously as possible (or ignore) whatever was perceived as rude. Apparently, this mother of the groom has spent countless hours getting "others" on her side, spreading discord rather than joy of her son’s upcoming wedding, etc. Like it or not, her son is also joining his brides family (& visa-versa). She can choose to remain "right" and be miserable or gracious, happy and "a part of." With the former attitude, she’ll undoubtedly be right, miserable and alone (or at least surrounded by other complainers) as well as "a part from."

I applaud your realistic perspective & ability to convey it much more tactfully than me.

Sep 02, 2011
Dealing with the Mother of the Bride
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Ah the joys of marriage. It is a time of celebrating the union of the bride and groom, to celebrate with friends and family, and the union of two different families. It looks like the dreaded "in-laws" have reared their head again.

Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot that you are going to do to change what the Mother of the Bride is doing. She has just as much right to handle this party the way that she wants to.

Even if this person that you cannot deal with was invited intentionally, it isn't going to change. There is no way to un-invite someone once they are invited. So, it has to be something that you can deal with. The ideal situation would be for you to keep your distance and just try to avoid the person.

The worst thing that you can do at this point is to make a big deal of the situation. There is enough stress and worry on the bride and groom's part. They do not need the additional stress of dealing with their mothers that cannot get along. It would be a sad thing if one of the only things they remember about their wedding day (and the events leading up to the wedding) is that their parents were not getting along.

For the sake of the couple to be, you really have to find a way to make the best of it. After all, these events are not about you or the other mother. It is all about the couple and you need to keep that perspective as you do the best that you can.

We wish you the best in the situation.

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