Shouldn't the bride and groom send out thank you notes?

Shouldn't the bride and groom send out thank you notes?

My nephew got married after living with a woman for 7 years. He and I had a falling out about 6 months prior to the wedding. He announced to all that I was not going to be invited to the wedding. We never spoke to each other again. Then I suddenly get an invitation to the wedding. To attend would require time off work and an expensive flight, which I had not planned for. So I declined the invitation.
There was a postal strike so I could not send a gift by mail. However, two months later I had a business trip in the same area. I added some personal time, and a less costly flight to stop over. I was informed of a shop that the bride really liked. She was not registered there and the individual shop did not sell gift cards. So I purchased a $50 gift card to the mall, thinking they could go to the shop and use it to purchase something they wanted. I purchased a card, wrote kind words and inserted the card. However the couple never attended any family event while I was visiting. I left the gift with his mother to pass on to him and his wife.
A month later I have not heard a word, not a thank you, nothing. I would have accepted an email or a Facebook comment of a thank you, given that sending out thank you cards can be costly. But nothing, not even a thank you from my sister, his mother.
I feel really fed up with the situation.

Aug 30, 2011
Groom's Thank you
by: Anonymous

Hmmm, had a similar situation with my 30-something relative. The girlfriend/fiancee, I realize now, strained our relationship even before the wedding, made new Rules For Living for the two of them.

We attended their wedding, send wanted shower gifts, gave a ck for wedding gift. No thank yous, no notice of us having attended the wedding either then or later (a remote distant one; took time and money).

Finally a one-line thank you many, many months later from the groom, whom we had once felt close to.

Result: We have nieces and nephews, multiple charities but no children of our own. Our wills need updating, they won't be in them. It's fine, they may not even notice. Not revenge, just a dislike of the overall lack of respect shown to us. A disregard of the persons we are.

Say what you want about not taking the time to write a thank you, it's rude and adds up. If you can afford to invite someone, you can afford to thank them.

Aug 23, 2011
Thank you notes after the wedding
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

I did not see a question that you would like me to answer. I am guessing that you would like some comments or thoughts about the situation.

According to traditional wedding etiquette, the bride and groom have anywhere from 2-6 weeks to send out thank you cards for those that gave a gift. So, technically, they are still within that time period to send out a thank you card.

There are a couple of different issues here. First of all, you might want to make sure that they received it. Mothers have a lot of things on their mind when their children get married and maybe the card did not make it to its destination. This is the least likely situation, but it is a possibility. In that case, of course they would not have sent a card.

In today's economy, people are looking at ways to do things inexpensively. Although it flies in the face of tradition, they might not have the funds to send out a thank you card to everyone. If they are like my wife and I when we got married, we had very little money.

In spite of the whole situation, I get the feeling that your frustration with them has very little to do with not receiving a thank you card. Based on your comments, there is a whole lot of negative baggage with this relationship already. Based on that, the lack of a thank you note just irritates the already delicate situation. I would guess that if the couple being married was someone you had a great relationship with and they forgot to send you a thank you note, you would probably not be offended like you are right now.

So, give them a break. I like to forgive and forget. Life is way too short to hold grudges...especially over something as trivial as a thank you note.

I would recommend doing what you can to improve the relationship. In doing so, you will not only have a better situation, but you will feel more at peace within yourself. That is something of tremendous value that a thank you card cannot provide for you.

Click here to post comments

Return to Ask Question.

Follow Us!

Follow Me On Facebook    Follow Me On Twitter

Sign Up For Our Free Monthly Newsletter!

First Name


Don't worry -- your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you Modern Manners.

Top Features

Phone Etiquette
Business Dining Etiquette
Overcome The Issues Of The Past