What are the rules of etiquette concerning giving a wedding gift when not invited to the wedding.
My nephew recently got married. His mother, my sister emailed the family to let us know he was getting married in a month. She let us know that only immediate family and a small group of close friends were invited. To my dismay, aunts and uncles are not considered immediate family. The announcement also came as a surprise as my nephew has known this girl less than 9 months. At the time, no one in the family had met the girl, not even his parents. My question is, not knowing the bride and having not been invited to the wedding, what do the rules of etiquette say about my obligation to send a gift? Also, is there a time limit as to when a gift should be sent?
Sept 22, 2011
Wedding Gift Etiquette When Not Invited
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)
First of all, there isn't really an etiquette about giving a gift when you are not invited. You are not under any obligation to do it, but it is a nice gesture.
Since this is family, there is likely an expectation of a gift, but that does not mean you have to give one.
You would be best to give the gift either just before the date of the wedding, or shortly thereafter. The longer you wait to do it, the more it looks like you forgot and that the present is an afterthought. You want it to look like you knew about the wedding and were thinking of them.
As far as not being invited goes, there are a few things to keep in mind. Some people just prefer to have a small wedding group and that is just they way they prefer it. They do not mean to offend anyone, but they want to keep it that way.
There are also many situations where the wedding is being held in a location that does not accommodate very many people so they are required to keep the guest list very small.
What I am trying to say is that there are reasons that more people weren't invited. From the way you explain it, I doubt they were trying to keep people away.