What is the best way to -not- invite a fiance's ex-girlfriend (and her current boyfriend)...who also happens to be a close cousin?

What is the best way to -not- invite a fiance's ex-girlfriend (and her current boyfriend)...who also happens to be a close cousin?

My fiancee and I will be marrying next year and we're creating the wedding invitation list. We prefer not to have his ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend at the wedding since it's our special day. My fiancee and his ex were together for a few years, but she ended the relationship 7 years ago, and then my fiancee and I started dating. However, his ex-girlfriend is also a close cousin, and the families are very close. He doesn't like seeing the couple at family gatherings, even though he is fully committed to me and has put their relationship as past history. If we don't invite her but invite the rest of the cousins (including her siblings, whom he's close to) it will make everyone in the family wonder and might cause some hard feelings. My fiancee says "handle it as it comes", but what would be the best way to handle this situation?

Jun 20, 2011
Invite Cousin Or Not
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Sounds like a nice dilemma. This is a difficult situation and there really isn't an easy solution. So, let's talk about how this might play out.

Option 1 - You do not invite her so you can have your special day. It sounds like some extended family members might take offense to it. At some level, people would understand that you would not want to invite her because of the prior relationship. However, you risk offending some people with this option.

Option 2 - You invite her to the wedding and she shows up. Even though it keeps the peace with the extended family, is she going to ruin your special day? Chances are, she probably would not do anything to ruin the event (other than just the awkwardness of her being there). The question that both of you need to answer is "Can we still enjoy the day if she is there?"

Option 3 - You invite her and she doesn't show up. Although I am not familiar with the people involved in the situation, I would suspect that this would be the most likely situation. As I think about it, if I were invited to attend the wedding of an ex-girlfriend, I would not attend. It would be uncomfortable for me and for them. But, the fact that she is family complicates it a little.

I would suspect that she would be uncomfortable being at the event. Based on that, I would invite her to avoid offending people and count on her not showing up. But, if her presence is going to ruin the event for you, you have to do what is right for you and hope that people are understanding because of the prior relationship.

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